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Calm Down, Everyone: It’s Just Edgerrin James
Published: August 24, 2009
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The situation must be bad when an entire city can get excited about a 31-year-old running back coming off a season in which he lost his starting job to a guy who will probably lose his starting job to a rookie this year.
The Edgerrin James that the Seahawks have reportedly signed for the 2009 season does not in any way resemble the young man who had his own footwear line (designed by Reebok) at the beginning of the decade. That Edgerrin James was an Indianapolis Colt, a big name back, and had a supporting cast of all-stars to help raise his game.
This older, wiser, and humbler James is trying to rebound from a shaky 2008 campaign in which he was booted from the Arizona Cardinals’ starting lineup in favor of rookie Tim Hightower. Hightower, in turn, is the one living on the hot seat these days with first-year player and highly touted draft pick Chris “Beanie” Wells carrying the ball in the desert.
The Edge the ‘Hawks have signed is, in theory, a guy who lost his job to a guy who will probably lose his job—kind of like the assistant to the assistant.
Not that any of that has to do with this year’s edition of Edgerrin James—his days in Arizona are behind him now. In fairness, he helped spark the Redbirds during their run to the Super Bowl a season ago.
A hard-nosed runner who has been lauded as an excellent blocking back, James is expected to compete for the Seahawks’ first-string tailback position with incumbent Julius Jones. His addition also means the team will likely have to let go of either T.J. Duckett or Justin Forsett in their now-crowded backfield.
In all likelihood, it’s Duckett who will suffer the wrath of being released. An aging back himself, Duckett provides a similar running style as James, albeit in more limited fashion. Though he may be a goal-line savant, the ‘Hawks can ill afford to dedicate a roster spot to a tailback that provides the running ability of a fullback.
Forsett, on the other hand, is only a second-year player who excels on special teams. He quite possibly has a promising future in the NFL. He could serve the team now as a punt returner, and later as a more prominent piece of the offense.
The best-case scenario for this team involves Julius Jones as the unquestioned starter at tailback, with James rotating in as a valuable third-down blocker and change-of-pace guy.
Unfortunately, many fans still see Edgerrin James as the starter he once was and not the quality backup he now is. We can hope for the best with Edge, but for now, it’s probably wise to keep those hopes tempered as we move forward into the start of the ‘09 season.
Are You S#!@@!%& Me?! Burress To Serve Two Years in Prison
Published: August 20, 2009
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Former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress is preparing to serve two years in New York state penitentiary after agreeing today to plead guilty to one count of attempted criminal possession of a weapon. Which, I guess, means he tried to possess the weapon in criminal fashion, but failed to do so criminally enough.
Let me just get right to the guts of this story. If Burress serves the entirety of his prison sentence, he will have spent more time in jail than Michael Vick (18 months) and Donte Stallworth (24 days) combined. So what do you get when you add one genocidal dog killer with a vehicular homicidal drunk? Apparently you get a guy who shoots himself in the leg in a victimless crime.
Let’s not overlook the fact that unlike thousands of crimes that take place in America on a daily basis, Burress’s criminal act had no victim. There was potential for a victim, yes, and there were laws broken in that Burress had no right to be toting a firearm. But outside of hurting his own damn self, Burress caused no discernible harm to anyone else.
Okay, so you say there was potential for a crime with other victims had Burress used his gun maliciously. Fact is, you can’t assume intent of a crime unless one is committed. If you could, every man on this earth would be guilty for having a penis. Effing rapists.
So where does that leave Burress?
He apparently had no intention of causing harm with his firearm, and simply suffered an unfortunate lapse in judgment by carrying his pistol in the first place.
And yet it seems like prosecutors and media members alike have taken Burress to task under the assumption that he was destined to hurt others with this possession of his. Ultimately, maybe that would have happened, who knows. But it didn’t happen on the night in question, and so it’s not fair of us to judge unjustly.
I get that every state has their own laws regarding, among other things, firearms. And I realize that any state can penalize someone to the fullest extent of those laws.
But what kind of message does it send when killers, rapists, and abusers—in general, criminals out to cause harm to others—are being removed from society for a shorter period of time than a bonehead who can’t properly secure his trigger?
It’s wrong and it’s messed up.
Sorry, New York, but you have got to get your s#!@ together on this one. Plaxico Burress deserves punishment for a crime that he committed, that we cannot deny.
But two years in a state institution, having his life funded by taxpayers, and his right to freedom stripped for 730 consecutive days? The punishment doesn’t fit the crime. Free Plaxico.
The Top 11 Things Mel Kiper Can Do Now That the NFL Draft Is Complete
Published: April 27, 2009
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11. Put together Mel Kiper’s Scripps National Spelling Bee Big Board
Because somebody’s gotta do it. And a quick reminder, Bee Week kicks off May 26.
10. Go back to plotting the hit on Todd McShay
The younger, more knowledgeable, better looking, less annoying version of Kiper is quietly becoming ESPN’s go-to guy when it comes to analysis on the NFL Draft. Think of McShay as Tim Kurkjian, to Kiper’s Peter Gammons.
9. Return to Safeway for his offseason job
“Mel Kiper, clean up on aisle seven…Kiper to aisle seven. Thank you.”
8. Get Lasik surgery to eliminate the perpetual squint
Contrary to popular belief, Mel Kiper is not Chinese.
7. Get out his Makita power buffer and go to work on that jaw
It’s not easy maintaining a chin that square.
6. Go back to the summer coaching clinic circuit at Mel Kiper’s “Day Camp For Future NFL Draft Gurus.”
How do you think Todd McShay came up so quickly?
5. Walk his dog, Mel Kiper, III
This sounds like a joke, but it’s not. Kiper really owns a dog, and he really did name it Mel Kiper, III.
4. Sign up for the next Real World
“Everyone gets along pretty well in the house, except Mel. I don’t know about him. He spends way too long in the bathroom, and I did walk in on him once with his pants down, standing in front of the TV, watching a still image of himself….I mean, it was pretty freakin weird.”
3. Star in Judd Apatow’s next Bromance with McShay
Entitled, I Love You, Man…But You Lack The Arm Strength To Throw The Deep Ball.
2. Find a woman
Or a man. I mean, you can’t really be sure with a guy like Kiper. My guess is he uses McShay as his wingman….“Hey sexy lady, see my friend over there? That’s Mel, and he thinks you’re pretty fly.”
1. Resume his annual quest for the perfect mousse
It takes a village to raise Mel Kiper’s well-coiffed head of hair. A village of mousse, that is.
