Crabtree, Stop Acting Like Shrimpweed…If It’s You

I really tried to avoid writing an article about Crabtree—I swear I did.

I would much rather talk about how Manny Lawson’s responsibilities have diminished to maximize his strengths or how Josh Morgan is looking like the next guy they’ll feature on those “The Draft Matters, Go Deep” commercials.

But I have fallen victim to the media’s obsession with his lack of a contract. They’re acting like he’s the only player who hasn’t signed the dotted line yet. Adding poop to the monkey cage is Crabtree’s cousin saying he’ll sit out the whole year if need be. Good job homie, that’ll really make the Niners shell out the cash.

I was (and still am) estatic about the selection. My two homeboys were with me during the draft. You can ask them, I jumped up and down on my couch like a fourth grader on his way to Disneyland when I saw the pick.

With that being said, let me make this clear, because I feel an explosion coming: I am not upset with Michael Crabtree. Dissapointed, yes. When following OTA workouts, I was under the impression that Tree was dying, I mean aorta severed, temporal crushed, asystole dying to get on the field.

Obviously, that’s not the case.

I am not an expert on how these holdouts go. We all know Eugene Parker is his agent by now. I don’t know if Crabs can simply call up Parker and say, “Ok I want to play now, let’s end the holdout.” I don’t know if this cousin is the one persuading Tree not to sign because it somehow means more money for him.

For all we know, Crabtree could be begging Parker to end it so he can get on the field.

That’s why, unlike everyone else, I won’t jump to conclusions and say ‘Tree is a diva. Because I don’t know.

What I do know is I want my team to win more Super Bowls. Period. I don’t care if Crabtree plays one snap or if he breaks all of Jerry Rice’s records in his first year. I don’t give a rat’s #$%#$ how the rings come, just let them come.

One with logical brain progressions would think that the more talent on the field, the better. Crabtree is a special player, but if we can win without him, let him sit up in the skybox and moan about money (assuming, again, he’s the one moaning).

Ironically, my college roommate, whom I am still best-o-buds with, happens to be the best friend of Eugene Parker’s son.

I’m getting really tempted to take this matter into my own hands…

Playbook Reversal: Jimmy Raye and Mike Martz = Flintstones and Jetsons

The San Francisco 49ers switch from apples to oranges by firing Mike Martz and hiring Jimmy Raye as their newest offensive coordinator. Raye is the gritty, run through you not around you coordinator Singletary wanted.

There are two things in life that are certain: Mama said knock you out, and the 49ers playbook will do a complete 180 degree turn.

Mike Martz is Elroy Jetson. He’s extremely intelligent and an expert at what he does. Expect Elroy to fly around in that futuristic space car and grace his way into the endzone.

Jimmy Raye is Fred Flintstone. Fred is hopping in his car, barefoot, and pounding his way to work. His feet will be throbbing from all of that “driving,” but at the end of the day the job will be done and it will be done well.

In seven seasons, the 49ers have had seven offensive coordinators. To say that they’ve been looking for an identity would be a humorous understatement. They’ve had all different types of coordinators. The good ones left for head coaching jobs, (McCarthy, Turner) while the not so good ones were, well, not so good (Knapp, Tollner).

Raye’s history suggests that he’s prime to bring Gore back to his 2006 form (1,695 rushing yards, 8 TDs).

Utilizing the 49ers strongest weapon in Gore seems to be like a no brainer, and Singletary feels Raye is one who can bring the best out of the fifth year Miami alum.

Last year Jimmy Raye helped the New York Jets become ninth in the league in rushing while Mike Martz boosted the 49ers up to 13th in the league in passing. While Martz did give the 49ers offense the jolt they lost when Turner bolted to San Diego, it didn’t fit what Singletary envisioned.

According to his first press conference, Singletary wants to go out and hit people in the mouth. As non-football related as that sounds, that’s the philosophy No. 50 is bringing to this organization. Jimmy Raye should know a thing or two about getting people primed to hit someone in the mouth.

Just ask Eric Dickerson.

With Mike Martz, eehh, not so much. Everyone knows about Mike Martz’s system. He throws the ball. He throws it from first down to fourth down. He throws the ball in the weight room, and he throws it in meetings.

He’s the orchestrator of The Greatest Show on Turf. But Singletary doesn’t want a great show, he wants a victory. He wants to build a team based on defense and solid, clock controlling running.

Jimmy Raye brings that to the offensive side of the ball. He’s not known for taking big risks with the football, and the 49er personnel isin’t built for that. Raye wants to control the game, not dominate it.

One of the biggest signings this past off season was the re-acquisition of fullback Moran Norris. Norris lead the way for Gore during his 2006 Pro Bowl season. They also signed Marvel Smith, a Pro Bowl yet injury prone tackle with a fresh new piece of jewelry.

Following an overall quiet free agency splash, the 49ers drafted Alabama running back Glen Coffee, who runs extremely violent, and Bear Pascoe, a productive pass catcher and efficient blocking tight end.

The picks wouldn’t have been very pleasing to Martz. Elroy would have loved the Michael Crabtree selection, it’s just that he would have wanted the 49ers to trade their second round pick to jump up and pick Jeremy Maclin also instead of trading back to get Coffee.

49ers fans can actually anticipate a more balanced offensive attack from coordinator Fred as opposed to running 97 percent of the time as the reputation would indicate. However, they can rest assured knowing that their franchise back will get a healthy helping of carries. Whatever the case may be, they would love to see a guy stick around for more than one season.

In hindsight, Raye seems likely to man the offensive controls for at least a couple years. He’s at the tail-end of his career, and is not quite ready to retire but is unlikely to accept a head coaching position at this point.

With Elroy it’s no telling. We wouldn’t be surprised to see Martz start up an airplane company.

Five Questions for Newest 49er, Dre’ Bly

Although the biggest free agent fish have long been caught, there are still some pretty productive players swimming in the pond.

The 49ers threw out some bait that said “we need a star cornerback.”

Dre Bly bit.

Bly, a two-time Pro Bowler, said it was a “humbling experience” when he was released back in February. The move by the Broncos was a salary cap decision as part of the Josh McDaniels defensive makeover, so one has to think that Bly can still be a productive player.

The signing was prompted by Walt Harris when he suffered a possibly season-ending torn ACL. With Tarell Brown still being a bit of a project and Shawnte Spencer being an average player thus far, the Niners needed a stud to take care of the great NFC West receivers.

If I had the opportunity to sit down with the newest 49er, these would be some of the questions I’d ask:

1) First of all welcome to San Francisco, the 49er Faithful believe in you! Now, it took you a little over three months to find a new home. With Haynesworth being signed just hours into free agency, what can you tell the Niner fans who have a bit of skepticism due to the apparent lack of interest in free agency?

2) We gathered that you spoke with your former teammate Isaac Bruce about coming to the 49ers. Do you feel that history can repeat itself, seeing as how you two won a Super Bowl together?

3) You’ve always seemed to have a knack for being a great tackler and forcing fumbles. With Nate Clements being on the other side of the field and having that same kind of mentality, do you feel like you two could be one of the toughest tandems in the league?

4) It was reported that you signed a one-year, $845,000 contract with the Broncos. With you signing a multi-million dollar deal just two years ago with Denver, what made you decide to come to this organization under those terms?

5) When you catch that game winning interception and run it back for a score, can you run up to Warner and say, “Thanks Kurt, I’m much o-Bly-ged!?”

I’ve Figured It Out! Bruce Lee and Andy Lee are Cousins

You can’t hide it anymore Andy. We’ve figured you out. We can understand you not wanting us to know. Bruce casts a big shadow, and you want to make a name for yourself.

Well, you did it.

Lets ask ourselves a question, how many punters can you name? One? Two? I’m going to say five at the most. 

Many of us can name the punter of our favorite team. I’m sure many more of us can name the Detroit Lions punter (seeing as how he gets a ton of playing time). But Andy, you made a mistake.

You made the Pro Bowl.

By doing so, you brought yourself to the limelight. You broke Kyle Richardson’s record by having 42 of your punts downed inside the 20. You led the NFL with 49 punts of over 50+ yards. You made a name for yourself.

And when you did that, you got people curious. They became interested in the man behind the position. Now people look at your name and say, “Oh yeah I know who Andy Lee is.”

The first thing that stuck out to us was your last name, Lee.

There was another Lee who, as you said, “coincidentally,” was born in San Francisco.

That fellow went by the name of Bruce Lee.

We connected the dots quite easily. He was born in San Francisco, you convinced the 49ers front office to take you with the 188th overall pick to represent your fallen cousins’ hometown.

You guys both kick. You kick footballs, he kicks ass.

Bruce Lee had a several books written about him. Chelsea House Publishers released the self-titled biography book Bruce Lee in 2007. The author of this book was RACHEL A. Koestler-Grack. What is your wife’s name Andy?

Oh that’s right, Rachel.

I’ve figured you out Andy, but don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.

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