I’m Writing about Brett Favre Because I Want To?

I promised myself last summer that I was not going to write about Brett Favre.

I did.

It’s not that I thought I’d want to write about Brett Favre. The only other time I even sort of wrote about him wasn’t really about him—it was about ESPN’s media stalk-gala into his every inaction after he asked Roger Goodell for reinstatement papers but Goodell did not sign them last summer.

And I was happy that I did not care.

But now? Now I care. Because now it’s personal.

I thought I knew Favre because, well, I’d like to think I’m smarter than he is.

For starters, while I did grapple with retirement for four seasons in my simulation baseball league. When I finally walked away from the Tampa Bay Devil Rays after a disappointing 2025 season, I stayed retired, never once considering a return to competition.

And so you know, I made sure they stayed the Devil Rays.

But still, I thought I was smarter than he ever was. At least, I thought I was smart enough to know what he was thinking.

I knew Favre was not going to retire after the first two tear-stained locker room moments in 2005 and 2006, just like I knew he was going to walk away after leading Green Bay to the 2007-08 NFC Championship Game.

At the same time, I knew Favre wasn’t really retiring, because I knew Favre had too much pride to go out after an overtime interception in the playoffs. Just like I knew Favre was done after bruising his shoulder and looking like, well, Kyle Orton down the stretch for the New York Jets.

But when Favre watched deadline after deadline pass last month; when Favre stated at the last deadline that he was going to remain retired; when Favre returned home to Mississippi for good, I thought he was retiring for good, or rather staying retired for good.

And when someone shows me to be wrong, it becomes personal.

I was never a fan of the Minnesota Vikings, so it’s not going to be difficult to root against Favre.

But now? Now I hate the Vikings. H-A-T-E.

Hell, I might ever root for Carolina Week 15 when the two go head-to-head, even if the game has NFC South title implications for my Atlanta Falcons.

I don’t take being wrong well, and since Favre has already shown me to be wrong once, I’m going to let him make me wrong again: I’m writing this article about him.

I’m writing about Brett Favre so that you know that I now promise never to think any topic is so far beneath me that I will never want to write about it.

If Brett Favre could still somehow interest me after how much he irritated me over the past 15 months, then there cannot be anything that could not someday interest me enough that I’d want to write about it.

Cricket? Maybe I’ll just watch and cover the final Ashes match next week.

Australian football? Well, I was going to write next week about St. Kilda’s push for a perfect season, just so I could say I’ve written about a sport I’ve never truly watched. St. Kilda, the worst team in the Victorian Football League and now the Australian Football League for most of the last 112 years, lost in the final second by two points to Essendon on Sunday, ending their quest to become the first team to ever win the championship unblemished with just two rounds left in the regular season.

Pesapallo? Well, I don’t like Finland, so I’ll pass on that. Maybe once I get translated to Finnish, I’ll care about Finland. But until then, I’ll just tell the country to wither away.

Hear that, Fins? Translate me to your language or else I won’t write about you.

Okay, maybe I’m getting a little carried away. Just because I decided to write about Brett Favre doesn’t mean that I’ll eventually write about everything.

For instance, I still have absolutely no desire to write about steroids—doping just doesn’t interest me. Ban the cheaters you catch, and if you can’t catch them, congrats to them and let’s all move on.

But that’s about it. What else is there that I know I will never be interested enough in to break down and spill 1,000 words of my guts on it?

I’m still sick of Favre—his entire saga annoys the living bejesus out of me. If Favre went out and withered like Finland, I wouldn’t care.

Hell, I’d be happy, because once ESPN stopped its all-access coverage of his funeral, it would stop talking about him until he got inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, or at least until Peyton Manning shattered all of his records.

Despite that, and despite my indifference to Favre and my antipathy to him being in the news, I still am weak enough to care that he unretired.

And it sickens me.

I could have written about Y.E. Yang’s mythical final round while Tiger Woods collapsed, how I was so enthralled that even though I had to be in Austin, Texas by 7:30 p.m., I still pulled into a Chili’s off of U.S.-290 to watch the final hole and drink a glass of Shiner Bock.

I pulled in at 7:29 p.m.

Speaking of me being wrong, I was wrong that Woods and Yang was the wrong final round pairing, but that’s beside the point. That final round was good enough that I’m glad I was wrong in that instance.

Or I could have written about UEFA Champions League qualifying, or, better yet, being a supporter of an English soccer club that’s not currently in the top flight and how hard it is to support that team overseas.

But no, I’m not writing about any of that. Because I don’t want to. Because I want to write about Brett Favre. Because I’m weak.

God I hate you, Brett Favre. You make me hate myself.

At least I could get 1,000 words out of you. Almost. And there we are.

Derrick Thomas a Hall Of Famer Off the Field, Too

Let me level with you: I don’t know how to start this article. I don’t. I’ve thought about it all week, and you know, I just could not figure it out. Maybe I’m just not good enough at what I do, or maybe I’m just not good enough yet, either way, I couldn’t figure it out.

How do you capsule in 1,000 words a life that has reached out beyond words and touched lives totaling 1,000 times that many words?

How do you do that without risking understating his impact or, even worse, offending? It’s not something we as journalists want to do, but have to do. But enough about me. On to you.

You’re probably going to overlook this Hall of Fame class, unless you rooted for one of these players, and to be honest, I don’t blame you.

Among the six inductees, there’s only two Super Bowl rings and under 100 all-purpose touchdowns. Most years, we have one player who accomplished both.

This rings out as a boring class, a defense-laden potpourri with only one skill position player, and he’s been retired since the Miami Dolphins were only a year removed from a second consecutive Super Bowl triumph.

We want offense. We want flash.

But it’s a strong class, as strong as any other, and with Derrick Thomas, much more fierce.

To anyone who thinks Thomas is not a Hall of Famer, I’m calling you out. That’s just bogus. To anyone who voted against him the past three years while his name has sat on the Hall of Fame fence, I’m calling you out to.

He was a nine-time Pro Bowler, totaling 126.5 sacks, including an NFL-record seven against the Seattle Seahawks in 1990 on the way to 20 during the season.

He forced 45 fumbles, making it look almost routine with that patented chop, John Elway as often a victim as anyone else.

Yet the reason Thomas is a Hall of Famer, beyond anything on the field, is his contributions in the classrooms of Kansas City.

The son of a fighter pilot shot down and killed in Vietnam, Thomas overcame dyslexia to learn how to read, brushes with the law off the field and off the wrestling mat to become one of the greatest humanitarians the NFL has ever known.

He struggled with reading until he met Miriam Williams at Palmetto Junior High, an English teacher who saw past his tough-but-inviting exterior and forced him to bring out his inner intelligence.

He was gifted in every aspect, he just needed someone to bring it out.

She found the student inside of Thomas and he repaid her, graduating from high school and college, as well as continuing reading and learning more about his obsession, the Kennedy murder conspiracy.

Through her, Thomas got his academics and his life together, making him a highly recruited prospect out of talent-rich Dade County, committing to Alabama to play football for the Crimson Tide.

“He had a big heart, and he always remembered where he came from and the people who helped him on the way,” said Wilbert Johnson, his high school wrestling coach at South Miami High School, who stayed friends with Thomas for the rest of his life, even visiting Thomas almost daily while he was in the University of Miami hospital after his car accident.

In 1990, during his second season in the NFL with the Kansas City Chiefs, Derrick Thomas formed the Third and Long Foundation, which has aimed to attack illiteracy in inner-city schools. He thought if he could learn to read, anyone could.

“Out of his dyslexia, he reached out to kids of all ages to make sure they had access to books,” said Leigh Steinberg, Thomas’s agent during his NFL career. “He was the Student-Body President of the NFL.”

The Third and Long Foundation has grown over the years and now, as it approaches its 20th year, has reached unprecedented heights.

Through the help of other current and former Chiefs players, including Neil Smith, who took over as the active sponsor of the foundation after Thomas’s death in 2000, the program continues to help elementary and middle school students of Kansas City learn to read.

“Derrick wanted Third and Long in every NFL city,” said Betty Brown, president of the foundation, “and through the help of the Neil Smith and so many others, we’re keeping his dream alive.”

His contributions continued all throughout the Kansas City community.

Thomas became an active member in the Greater Pentecostal Temple of Kansas City, regularly attending services when the Chiefs weren’t out of town, talking to the other children who came out to services and even being baptized.

“When he was baptized, when the ceremony was over, he dashed across the podium, our stage, and got out his checkbook and wrote us a check for $50,000,” said Bishop Donaldson, the pastor of the Greater Pentecostal Temple. “I thought, if only we could have 20 more people like Derrick!”

But there was no one like Derrick. Sure, there were people who have done and accomplished comparable things, but there was only one Derrick.

After his death following complications after an automobile crash shortly after his 33rd birthday in 2000, the family of Derrick Thomas lent his name to the Derrick Thomas Academy, a charter school in Kansas City that works with EdisonLearning, an education company based out of New York City.

The school, which offers free education to 950 underprivileged youths from Kindergarten to 8th grade in urban Kansas City, helps keep these kids off the streets and in class and other extra-curricular activities.

Recently, attendance reached over 90 percent for the first time, more than 20 percent above the national average.

It’s certainly achieving its goals, and thus, so has Derrick Thomas.

“Derrick could never really die,” Steinberg said. “That irrepressible spirit, that love, that humanity could never really leave us.

Sure, there were better players in the NFL: a few, but not many. But there was no one off the field who matched Thomas’s will to make sure everyone, even those who came from an even tougher situation with more physical, social, and mental difficulties, can overcome and learn to read.

And for that reason, more even than his sacks or Pro Bowls or forced fumbles or safeties, Derrick Thomas deserves to become the 251st person inducted into the Hall of Fame tonight.

“Derrick Thomas was always my favorite player,” said Jeff Wahl, Executive Director of EdisonLearning, as he, like so many else whose life has been touched by Thomas, choked back tears. Edith Morgan, Thomas’s mother, had to pat Wahl’s back to keep him going.

“His journey is now over; he is now home in Canton.”

Exactly where he’s always meant to end up.

The Real NFL Draft Grades

I’m grading the only way the NFL draft should be graded…based on the quality of the player’s name.

As you will see, there is absolutely no bias in these ratings whatsoever.

(Go Rice Owls!)

 

Arizona Cardinals – Grade: C+

Adding “Beanie” Wells and LaRod Stephens-Howling is about it. Herman Johnson sounds like it should be a dirty name, but I have no idea what a Herman is.

Honestly, I think I’m being a bit generous with a C+

 

Atlanta Falcons – Grade: A-

Peria Jerry might be the coolest name of the first round. They got great value selecting Lawrence Sidbury, Jr. in the fourth round.

How often can you get a butler that late?

The rest of the draft is mediocre, but come on, Peria Jerry alone gets them into the coveted A-range.

 

Baltimore Ravens – Grade: A

Two words: Lardarius Webb.

 

Buffalo Bills – Grade: D+

They got Nic Harris from Oklahoma and Cary Harris from USC, even though they had the chance to draft Victor Harris of Virginia Tech.

I’ve seen blacker names in hockey.

Carolina Panthers – Grade: A+

This is a great collection.

Corvey Irvin is fun to say, and he’s probably one of the worst.

Everette Brown, Sherrod Martin, and Tony Fiammetta all were drafted by round four. Then the Panthers found late round gems in Duke Robinson and Captain Munnerlyn.

I mean…seriously, a Duke and a Captain?

 

Chicago Bears – Grade: B

Al Afalava is nice, and Johnny Knox is pretty baller, but the depth is seriously lacking.

Cincinnati Bengals – Grade: B-

If you have 11 picks, you should hit somewhere.

Fui Vakapuna is another cute one, and I would never mess with anyone named Bernard Scott.

But what kind of crap is Jonathan Luigs?

Freddie Brown sounds like that kid in middle school who ends up being a mailman after flunking out of community college (no offense to either). And Rey Maualuga is not a cool name, no matter how many times I misspell it.

 

Cleveland Browns – Grade: A-

Mohamed Massaquoi has Larry Munson bonus points.

Got to love Coye Francies.

Alex Mack sounds like a center, which is nice if you are a center.

 

Dallas Cowboys – Grade: C

Buehler? Buehler? Buehler?

 

Denver Broncos – Grade: C+

Kenny McKinley is solid, and Darcel McBath makes me laugh for some reason, but too many David Bruton’s and Seth Olsen’s make this class just too dull for my tastes.

 

Detroit Lions – Grade: D-

Lydon Murtha is just a bad name.

Sammie Lee Hill might be the winner here, and it’s hardly a winner. Still, a D- proves that the Lions are moving up.

Green Bay Packers – Grade: D+

They drafted Brad Jones, who is better known as the goalkeeper of a bad soccer team.

Houston Texans – Grade: A+++

James Casey went to Rice.

I see no problem with this draft.

Indianapolis Colts – Grade: B-

Austin Collie is a mix of one of the five most liberal cities in the country and a pet dog.

Fili Moala and Jerraud Powers are the only things that rescue this from D-range.

 

Jacksonville Jaguars – Grade: A+++

Jarrett Dillard went to Rice.

I see no problem with this draft.

 

Kansas City Chiefs – Grade: B

They drafted South Carolina kicker Ryan Succup, who played alongside Smelley and Stoney at South Carolina.

Yeah, their cornerback was stoned, their quarterback smelled, and their kicker was a suck up.

 

Miami Dolphins – Grade: C-

Vontae Davis is a beast. Patrick Turner, J.D. Folson, Pat White, and Chris Clemons are not.

Although, Clemons is from Clemson.

Try typing that three times fast.

 

Minnesota Vikings – Grade: A+

They only have five picks, but the Vikings understand the draft.

Percy Harvin, Phil Loadholt, Asher Allen, Jasper Brinkley, and Jamarca Sanford—one of the best classes ever.

 

New England Patriots – Grade: B+

No one person stands out, but there’s a lot of depth here.

Sebastian Vollmer, Tyrone McKenzioe, Rich Ohrnberger, Myron Pryor, and Julian Edelman are all fairly decent names.

 

New Orleans Saints – Grade: F

Chip Vaughn sounds like he should be a golfer, Stanley Arnoux sounds like a banker, and they only had four picks.

This draft was awful.

 

New York Giants – Grade: B+

Ramses Barden.

Jesus, an Egyptian Pharoah?

They also took the aforementioned Stoner from South Carolina. Not bad.

 

New York Jets – Grade: D

They avoid an F only because they add to the ever growing list of ways to spell Sean (see Shonn Greene).

 

Oakland Raiders – Grade: A+

Al Davis is a genius.

Stryker Sulak is by far the best name in this year’s draft.

Slade Norris is a very close third.

What more do you need?

 

Philadelphia Eagles – Grade: A-

I like the selection of Cornelius Ingram in the third round.

Victor Harris sounds tough.

Moise Fokou has a last name you should yell aloud whenever you have fine company around.

Oh, they also got Fenuki Tupou and Paul Fanaika. But no matter how good this class is, Andy Reid will still find a way to screw it up.

 

Pittsburgh Steelers – Grade: A-

If I had a choice between being locked in a room with a dude named Evander Hood and hiring Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson to babysit my children, I’d look into that second, less risky opportunity.

 

San Diego Chargers – Grade: C+

Gartrell is a baller first name, but Larry and Louis are not.

 

San Francisco 49ers – Grade: A

Mike Singletary’s first draft class is very deep.

Michael Crabtree, Glen Coffee, and Ricky Jean-Francois will provide immediate dividends, but none of them stock up to TE Bear Pascoe.

You find me a name that puts Bear Pascoe to shame, and I’ll let your wife kick me in my groin without my jock strap.

Seattle Supersonics – Grade: Inc.

N/A

 

St. Louis Rams – Grade: B

If ever there was a linebacker who earned his name, it is James Laurinaitis.

Brooks Foster is a mid round steal, and Chris Ogbonnaya is a great final selection.

Tampa Bay Bucs – Grade: F-

Honestly, I don’t care who they draft. I’m still going to hate them.

 

Tennessee Titans – Grade: A+

They drafted Dominique Edison who shares a last name with the most important man of the past 150 years.

Sen’Derrick Marks, Gerald McRath, and James McCourtney all have more capital letters than words in their names.

 

Washington Redskins – Grade: C

Brian Orakpo isn’t that good of a name.

Marko Mitchell redeems it.

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