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Eric Mangini’s “To Do” List for the Cleveland Browns (Satire)
Published: May 24, 2009
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Top 10 things I need to do in Cleveland before the season starts.
By Eric Mangini:
- Paint over mural. It may clash with my ego and patented brand of losing.
- Trade my No. 1 receiver. Who really needs him when I can get guys from the Jets practice squad?
- Check the Jets practice squad from three years ago and find someone willing to play for me. If they say no, send them flowers and beg for them to play.
- Ignore Shaun Rogers!
- Acknowledge Shaun Rogers!
- Ignore Shaun Smith. Then, call Bill Parcells and collect money from the “Ignore Guys Named Shaun” pool.
- Acknowledge Shaun Smith, then insult him about weight and attitude.
- Call Bill Belichick and ask him where to find pinking shears that can cut sleeves off sweatshirts.
- Tell Josh Cribbs we owe him nothing because his contract was written with invisible ink and pixie dust.
- Call Roger Goodell and ask him about changing the team name to either the Jetowns, BrownJets or Cleveland Jets.
