Of Patriots and Prostitutes

Aren’t things bad enough in Foxboro? The wheels may in fact be coming off the wagon!

First this week, Coach Bill blew his stack at four players late for a team meeting Wednesday during the winter’s first storm. One of the sanctioned players was Randy Moss.

At least he kept his mouth shut.

Another was Adalius Thomas, who complained he wasn’t part of the Jetson’s family. Well, Adalius, neither are the rest of us, but when it’s snowing we’re expected to get up earlier and get to work on time whether we can fly or not.

I hope these guys can cross the street on their own because the Feds pulled funding for the Patriots Place bridge project. They did decide to fund a puppet show in Philadelphia. I’m confused. They’re supposed to be funding “shovel ready” projects. People actually use shovels to build bridges. Do puppets use shovels?

There is a mascot who is going to need a shovel.

As the Tiger Woods sex scandal dominated the media, news trickled out about our own paragon of virtue and righteousness as Pat Patriot himself was arrested for alleged involvement in “prostitution related crimes.” It’s not clear whether he was giving or receiving.

Oh, and Tom and Gisele had a baby boy!

What the hell is going on here? Aren’t the Pats still in the playoff hunt? In fact, don’t they still lead the AFC East, which, if anyone has cared to notice, has suddenly become a very competitive division! Do they actually have a game this week against the Carolina Panthers?

We should be very concerned about the Panthers.

Tom Brady is listed as “questionable.” We’re used to seeing him listed as probable, but his injuries this week might just keep him out if Belichick thinks young Brian Hoyer can handle the offense.

Given that Brady’s best games so far were in losing efforts, that Moss and Welker and Sammy Morris are all healthy, and that Hoyer wasn’t plucked from the waiver wires, he may deserve a shot. Hoyer might be able to handle Carolina but Brady should heal up for what is still likely to be a playoff run. After all, he’s brought them back from the dead before.

The Panthers are starting a highly motivated Matt Moore coming off his first win as a starter this season. He’s 3-1 overall, and should be licking his chops to show he deserves the start against the Pat’s JV secondary.

More troubling is the weather forecast. There is a chance of rain predicted for game time. I sure hope all the Patriots players can get to Gillette on time.

Look, let’s get back to football:

• Tom, rest and get back to your old self.
• Unc, keep your mouth shut.
• Pat Patriot, keep your wick dry.
• Real Pats Fans, see you Sunday!

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Has Tom Brady Lost the Fire? Has Bill Belichick Lost the Magic?

Pats Lose by 1 Point, 1 Yard & 1 Throw

They got what they deserved.

Crucial 4th-and-1 and they couldn’t punch it home.

Quick snap when Brady saw one-on-one coverage on Moss in the end zone and throws short. (Give Vonte Davis credit; he made a veteran move and sealed Moss from the catch.)

The Pats didn’t just lose by 1—they lost by at least 14 points they left on the field.

How do the Patriots lose a game in which Tom Brady throws for 350 yards with a lead? Look at the secondary. How many times did you see guys pointing at each other after a completion? How many times did the linebackers look behind them with their arms wide apart asking the DBs what the hell was going on back there?

Worse was watching the Patriot’s sideline. Sidelong glances, looks of despair and absolutely no fire whatsoever as the game slipped away. I know these guys are professionals, but remember what that sideline looked like in 2000 with half the talent and twice the heart. This team today looked like they expected a breakdown; and they got what they expected. For a moment I thought this was 1993.

The Boston press is going to jump on this one and the fans are already on the boards. Is Brady done? Has he gone completely Hollywood? Did Belichick mortgage the secondary?

Well, you could argue the mortgage but it’s hard to count out a Hall of Fame quarterback after a 350 yard game, win or lose.

It’s time for the proverbial rats to jump the ship. Those of us who remember the dark ages know that this team has talent and can get hot. The answers are simple:

1) Plug the holes in this secondary. These guys are getting paid; get them on the same page.

2) Bring back the old fire.

Guys, I know you’re grown ass men and professionals, but football is still a game of emotion. You’ve got to find the spark and drive that got you to this level, and got you on what is still one of the premier franchises in NFL history.

I have to admit I had a moment of resignation when Brady threw the last pick instead of taking the sack. When I saw him slap the ground I knew the fire was still in him. Let’s see if he can get this thing turned around and make the playoff run befitting of the team of the decade.

As for you fans who are packing it in…good riddance. Just be sure to put your tickets up on eBay!

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The Problem With Tom Brady and Suzy Kolber

Tom, whatcha thinkin’?

I know you guys had a tough night, but hey, it finished in legendary Patriots’ style, didn’t it?

Why did you give the cold shoulder to cute little Suzy Kolber after the game as you headed into the locker room?

I know you’re Tom Terrific—the underwear model and the cause of too many women’s fantasies. I can also appreciate that Suzy is not Gisele Bundchen; but like many other authentic football fanatics, I think she’s one of the best female sports personalities in the testosterone saturated NFL universe.

She’s as delicious as an ice cream sundae, cute as a singing penguin, and she knows football. What more could you want?

(I for one would bundle her up and take her on a nice ski vacation.)

You could have at least given her a 20-second sound bite.

Tom, really, it wouldn’t have killed you.

Now, unlike some critics, I don’t think you’ve gone Hollywood on us. I know you’re still our 199th pick made good. You’re still one of the hard-hat and lunch box Patriots gang. You still have your edge and you showed Monday night that you still have the fire and the fireworks we’ve all come to know and love.

We’ll stick with you Tom. But next time, give Suzy 20 seconds!

For the whole ugly snubbing click here!

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