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How The Darrius Heyward-Bey Pick Went Down…..
Published: April 27, 2009
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*This was the most recent picture of Al Davis I could find*
Enough already about the Sanchez deal right? The real shocker was the Raiders selection of Darrius Heyward-Bey. Well, I’ve got the inside scoop on how the Raiders pick went down.
Mind you, I don’t have the exact timing down, since the Raiders are a shadowy organization so it’s a rough estimate….
5:00 p.m. (ET). The call of “The Raiders are on the clock” echoes through the dark chambers of hell, known as McAfee Coliseum. The Crypt Keeper, arises from his tomb, and summons Tom Cable.
5:03 p.m.: Tom Cable rushes in immediately, making sure not to look him directly in the eye for fear of being fired on the spot. Al Davis instructs Tom Cable to give him a list of the 40-yard-Dash Times.
5:05 p.m.: After pulling out his catheter, and cleaning his urine, and feces soaked trousers Al Davis looks through the list. Nodding. He’s got an idea.
5:06 p.m.: Al Davis picks up the phone, and calls Usain Bolt. The conversation goes something like this.
Usain picks up, to silence……
Usain: “Hello? Who is this?”
AD: a long deep breath (as if it could be his last) “itssss AAAAALLL Daaaviss. Would you like to play receiver for the Oakland Raiders?!?”
Usain: “I thought you were dead”
AD: “My soul died decades ago, when I sold it to the devil himself for glory. So now, I must carry my frail, undead body, amongst the living. I’m hell bent on destroying the once proud legacy of this franchise and my soul cannot rest until I do so. Will you play for me young one, so that I can carry out this task?”
Usain: ” No thanks, I’m a track star not a football player, and I can’t catch”
AD: “I know. But you’ll learn to have good hands”
Confused Usain hangs up……
5:08 p.m: Al decides to go with plan B. He picks up the list Tom Cable brought him and points to the fastest 40-yard-dash for a WR, and instructs them to choose him accordingly. His minions to blindly carry out the order.
5:09 p.m.: The Raiders select DHB, and not even he is ready, judging by his reaction.
Immediately after the initial shock the legion of Raiders fans who were busy pre-ordering their Crabtree jerseys, go into a frenzy trying to justify the pick and explain why it was right. In their minds he is the next Randy Moss; just without the hands, size, and overall talent. But damn can he sure run in a straight line fast.
And maybe just maybe it will work, but then Al Davis will continue to walk amongst the living and your team will be doomed toward failure or mediocrity at best.
So let us hope that it doesn’t, and Al Davis’s final task for Lucifer himself is finished. May he finally rest in peace, so that Raider Nation can too.
Besides it’s the Broncos turn now……….
