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Five New Year’s Resolutions for Important Sports Figures

Published: January 2, 2010

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Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa. Happy New Year, and any other Happy-(fill in a made up holiday) that I happened to miss during my month-long hiatus.

There’s no way you can have a well-established blog during the holiday season. I’m convinced.

Between the shopping, school finals, decorations being put up, and having to lie to everyone under the age of 10 about Santa Claus…it takes a toll on one’s ability to successfully give you readers a free blog every week.

But hey, were all about bouncing back in 2010. That’s right, it’s 2010.

Not only am I looking forward to almost finishing college, another first-round exit for the Cowboys, Colts fans calling for Jim Caldwell’s head because after they win the Super Bowl, they’ll have one loss on the season to the (gulp) Jets, and Kevin Durant becoming a bona fide superdee-duper-star right before our eyes, I’m also looking forward to mistakenly writing 09 on every assignment this semester because writing ’10 is just too weird.

Man, do I know how to go off on a tangent. Anyway, like I said, this year is all about bouncing back and what better way to do that with the perfect New Year’s Resolution.

Now, people who make New Year’s Resolutions usually make it to the end of January before they decide that they’ve had enough and New Year’s is overrated. I say, the hell with that.

We real people may not be able to hold a New Year’s Resolution, but our sports stars must try and come up with some New Year’s Resolutions so that they don’t drive their fans through a wall with stress and frustration.

Oh, you’re already through a wall with stress and frustration? Me too.

A New Year’s Resolution should be something that you can actually accomplish. It should be something that you want to do (or stop doing) that will ultimately lead you to a happier/healthier life.

Well, with our coveted sports stars it is a little different. Their resolutions have to be well thought out so that they include the well-being of their fans.

So let’s get into a few people who ABSOLUTELY must make these specific New Year’s Resolutions.

1.) Tiger Woods. Jesus, Tiger. Why don’t you just go to an Island you own for like six months and just stay there. Shoot, you can bring whatever mistress you choose, but just stay out of the limelight for a while.

This country forgives quickly if you just apologize. Look at A-Rod, Andy Pettitte, and Jason Giambi. Coincidentally, they were all Yankees (shaking my head), but they all apologized and no one says a word about any scandal they’ve ever been a part of.

So Tiger, your New Year’s Resolution is to apologize, stop calling your mistresses, and just chill out in 2010.

2.) Peyton Manning. Peyton, you need to just chill out. You are insanely good at football that everyone is at the point where they HAVE to like you, even if they hate you. It’s all because you work so goddamn hard and are so goddamn good that every other goddamn quarterback looks like they have Down Syndrome when they play against you.

So my New Year’s Resolution for you is to chill out in 2010. Let some other player win the MVP award. Let some other team go for the undefeated season. Let some other team win the Super Bowl. You’re mad annoying Peyton. Stop practicing and studying!!

3.) ESPN. Hey ESPN directors, whoever is in charge of bashing the Cowboys on a weekly basis, maybe it’s time to be a little less biased. We get it. You don’t like the Cowboys.

You’d rather have a big-market team like somewhere in New York or Philadelphia or New England win. But I’ve got news for you. This team is different. So maybe it’s time to cut the crap and report news unbiasedly.

Part 2.) Hop off Brett Favre’s you know what. I mean really. Yes the guy is an iron man. He is a warrior with the uncanny ability to make a play when a play needs to be made. But the love that you guys have over him is really sickening.

You’ve turned me into someone who doesn’t even like him anymore because of all of these reports that you guys bring out and how much of an infatuation you have with him.

Just please take it easy. There’s about 1,000 other people in the NFL to report on…in case you were wondering.

4.) Tony Romo. Oh no Tony. Don’t you do it. Don’t you fool us into thinking that you’re going to be different this year. You’re not fooling me. You may have every other Cowboys fan fooled, but not me.

Until you actually win a playoff game and show us that you can lead this team well into January, I’m still having my doubts.

So my New Year’s Resolution for you is to just be a leader. Show us that you can lead this team and put them on your back into January, because the Cowboys only go as far as you go. Plain and Simple.

5.) Brett Favre. It’s very simple, Brett. Retire.

You’ve given everything you can possibly give to this sport. You’ve given us countless highlights, countless hold-your-breath moments, and you’ve even managed to get Brad Childress a contract extension when he may or may not be the top 3 worst coaches in the NFL.

Just go fishing somewhere from September to January. Trust me, the league will be OK without you. So my New Year’s Resolution for you is to enjoy your post-football life. Find another thing to be spectacular at.

Once again, I want to apologize for the hiatus. I promise I will be back in full-swing this year.

That is my New Year’s Resolution, to be a better writer and hopefully grab an editor along the way. You know, cuz a brotha don’t always talk perfect English, ya dig? Have a Happy New Year, all!

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The Monday Morning Blues: Tony Romo, Cowboys Losing Fans with Lackluster Play

Published: October 5, 2009

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During my entire existence on this gracious planet, I have seen hundreds of football games—from pee wee to high school to college all the way to the granddaddy of them all, the NFL.

I’ve seen nearly every situation a team can go through, every off-the-field incident a team can endure, and every high or low that a fan can possibly live through.

However, yesterday was the last straw for me…

If you didn’t already know, I am a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan. I bleed blue, and no one in the state of New Jersey is a bigger fan than I am. I stick by my team despite all the heckling and trash-talking that comes my way (and it’s a ridiculous amount, because I live in a state that is 75 percent Giants fans, but 80 percent of those fans became fans right after they won the Super Bowl…great fanbase guys!).

Week in and week out I hear it from all angles. When the Cowboys win, it’s never good enough: “Oh, well, they’re supposed to win. Oh, Tony Romo still sucks even though they won.” And if the Cowboys lose, it’s a feeding frenzy: “Wow man, the Cowboys really suck. God, they are so bad. Those Cowgirls suck.”

But it’s OK because I deal with it, realizing that the people who talk trash to me don’t know half as much as I know about football.

Through all this I’ve stayed upbeat, realizing that it is just a game and there are things in life that are more important than football.

But I’m here to tell you now…I am done rooting for players that don’t care about their fanbase or what that star represents on the side of their helmets. I’ll still root for this team week in and week out, but why invest so much stress and time into a team full of players that do not even care if they win or lose?

Ninety percent of the players on the Dallas Cowboys are there because they have been blessed with unique abilities but don’t play with any heart. They are there to collect a paycheck and go home to their million-dollar mansions.

It all starts at the top in this organization. You have an owner who wants to win so badly that he’ll do anything…as long as he can control it. So he goes and hires a puppet coach who he can control and have do whatever he wants…a coach who could not coach his way out of a paper bag.

Now you have a “head coach in waiting” in Jason Garrett, supposed to be regarded as the top offensive mind in all of football—yet he can’t get his “star” quarterback to prepare and study the way a starting quarterback should in this league.

Now, this leads me into Mr. Romo. I have defended Tony Romo from Day One. I’ve stuck with him through every snap, argued against every moron that said that he sucks and he could never win a big game…WHEN HE’S ALREADY WON BIG GAMES. (He’s won at Giants Stadium, Philly, Indianapolis, Green Bay, all numerous times.)

But this is a “what have you done for me lately” league, and everyone forgets what happens as soon as the next week’s whistle blows.

I’ve stuck by all of Romo’s off the field antics, with his girlfriends, vacations, and other sport ambitions. I’ve always supported him as the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys…until now.

I cannot root for a quarterback that routinely, week in and week out, fools his fanbase into believing that he is genuinely trying to get better each week. The reality is that he doesn’t care enough about the game of football and his fanbase. Sure, he says all the right things after games, but he doesn’t go and act on them.

Tony Romo needs to call up Peyton Manning and have a long talk about what it takes to succeed in the NFL at the quarterback position. Even though Romo has only been in the league three years as a starter, he’s been around long enough to know that what he is doing is not working.

It’s time for a change, Mr. Romo.

So until this team starts caring about how they play on the field, and they figure out what that star on the side of their helmets represents, I’ll be watching with a cautious eye. I won’t be fooled by a joke organization again. Start showing some heart, and some fight, and that’s when you win back the fanbase that you men have destroyed.


Just some quick notes from the weekend…

Relax, Jet fans. It was one game against a top five team. Mark Sanchez will be fine; you guys are going to win at least eight or nine games. No reason to start calling for Rex Ryan’s head, because you know that’s what the New York media is doing today. I’d rather have a young quarterback who cares about winning then to have that bum down in Dallas.

The Giants beat up on another horrendous team. So they’ve beaten four teams that have a combined four wins? And had to go down to the wire with the Cowboys despite getting four turnovers? Hope you can sleep at night, Giant fans.

Peyton Manning is the best player in the NFL. From when he wakes up in the morning to when he goes to bed at night, that man breathes football. Colts fans really need to just appreciate how great of an athlete they have.

St. Louis, Washington (despite two wins), and Tampa Bay are the three worst teams in football. It’s not even close.

Who ya got tonight? I’m going Vikings in OT. It’s tough for any team to come in and win at Minnesota…but the Packers…on Monday night—that place is going to be rocking. Vikings 30-27.

 

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